


it's a quarter after one

by honeybadgers



Series: please leave a message [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Voicemail, break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 22:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12119007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybadgers/pseuds/honeybadgers
Summary: You can't leave a thing without inevitably breaking a heart.





	it's a quarter after one

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from 'need you now' by lady antebellum

_I knew you wouldn’t pick up._

Out of everyone, it had to be him who had to leave a voicemail message behind to remind him of all the awful things he had done. And he doesn’t deserve what he had done to him. Maybe that was why he couldn’t allow himself to delete the voicemail message but to listen to it, a spark of how they used to be, and how he himself broke and teared it all down in one moment.

_Maybe it is better that you didn’t pick up. Maybe it is better that I don’t hear your voice because I know I will allow myself to sink deeper, to sink further. You don’t know what you left behind._

He sounds drunk. And that makes the message more and more sad. He knows well enough where he is talking about.

_I have always put the blame on myself, you know. That I was the reason you left Force India. And ever since the day I heard you left -you didn’t even tell me in person- I have been haunting myself with the same question._

He hears ragged breathing coming from the other side. And Nico wonders whether he does that deliberately or just got out of breath.

_Why?_

_Why did you not tell me? Why did I have to hear it on the news? It is funny that you were the one that left, since you begged me to stay here at the team. And I did._

_And look where we are now, look who broke the promise?_

There is laughter, but it is the sad kind of laughter. One that you have when there is so much irony in a situation and it describes it right now perfectly.

He still remembers asking, begging, Sergio to stay. And he was the one to leave.

Ironic indeed.

_Okay, let's go a few years back. Remember when we first met? We couldn't stand each other. I couldn't stand you, I couldn't stand your clothing style, I couldn't stand your height. You couldn't stand me for being a know-it-all, you couldn't stand me for being too serious, you couldn't stand me for being too focused on racing and not on parties._

_I do._

_But suddenly it all changed. At least, for me. I like to call it my ‘changing point.’ The point in which my opinion about you completely changed._

_He hears a deep sigh, like he is mentally preparing himself for something, releasing his stress._

_Let's go back to the desert._

_You know where I am heading to?_

_Yes._

_If yes, you might want to listen to it for nostalgia reasons. You can also decide to stop the message and delete it like it never existed. Up to you._

_If not, let's listen._

_We were shooting a promotional video for the team. It was burning hot and I felt absolutely relieved when we were done. And suddenly there you were._

_And you wanted to make a sandcastle._

_In the desert._

_40 degrees._

_I thought you were crazy._

_It felt like a scene of a comedy movie, that was how crazy it was and also how it looked like._

_It went hopeless._

_Eventually you had already emptied your whole water bottle to make the sand a little bit harder._

_And that was the point I couldn't stand it anymore._

_I went to you, gave you my water bottle and we made the castle together._

_You were a good listener and are pretty damn great with your hands. Good company, I still like to look back at that moment._

You were a good teacher, patient with me, gentle and perfect with words.

_My changing point._

_And that was also when I realised that I was completely screwed._

_Because sometimes a teammate that you like is more dangerous than a teammate you like._

_And hell yeah I liked you._

The memories flash by. The sand in his hands, a drop of sweat in his neck, warm hands accidentally touching his. It feels so fresh like it happened just yesterday.

But yesterday we were kids.

_It was uncomfortable to pass you, to talk to you even, to talk about nothing really. And Jesus Christ, it sounds so sappy when I say that, but it is true.  
I was in love and I was scared._

At that time, I was too

 _Flash forward._  
Russia.  
2016.

_You remember?_

_I do._

_But if you don't, don't worry. A hint._

_Two words._  
Podium.  
Kiss.

_You do now?_

_I already did._

_I got a podium._

_It is bliss honestly, and you absolutely deserve to experience that feeling as well. The feeling of stepping onto the plateau, the champagne hitting your face, the trophy._

_I got a trophy but I could only think of you._

_So close yet so far for you, and it didn't feel that special anymore. I would have gladly switched if I could._

_I don't remember the podium interviews, I don't remember the post-race press conference._

_But I still remember your sad face when we were back at the hotel._

_We went to our separate rooms but your sad face still bothered me, so I decided to take a look at you to be sure you were okay._

_I wanted to open your door but I realised that I heard you crying._

_And suddenly I had the craziest idea._

_I went back to my room, to fetch my cap and trophy and went to your place._

_I went to your room and put the cap on your head. You looked in confusion and then you saw I held the trophy in my hands and I reached it out to you._

_“For the real winner.”_

_You gave me a small smile and it was so cute and perfect. You touched the trophy, inspected it, cherished the structure._

_You had put the trophy on the bed again. I had no idea what was happening but suddenly you pulled me towards you and there we stood. You hugged me._

_It felt nice._

_And when we broke it apart, we looked at each other in silence. You still had my cap on, and your eyes shone, still a bit red. Perfect._

_I had no idea how I looked like._

You looked like the radiant sun, with shining eyes and fluffy brown hair and a small smile and it was a beautiful sight. You brightened the dark sky I was pulling myself into by doing this and I couldn't maintain myself anymore.

_And then you pulled me back again and our faces were so close to each other. I could feel your breathing stroking my cheeks._

_Then we gently, tenderly pressed our lips against one another. I think you made the move._

_I was so scared, I was afraid that this was some kind of a joke, I could not believe that it was actually real._

_But it was. I quickly lost myself into you. I had put my hand into your hair and I felt you. And our kiss became deeper and Russia didn't sleep, the bright lights and the traffic sounds keeping the city awake.So it felt like we were there for an eternity kissing._

_It was absolutely extremely perfect._

_If the sandcastles were my changing point, than this became my breaking point. That was when I knew for sure._

_We kept it a secret from the team. We kissed behind tyres, in hotel rooms, in showers. We gave each other knowing smiles, like we were keeping a secret only we knew. And that was the case. It was an amazing time. I liked the kick you got from it, I liked the smiles you gave me, I liked the way you whispered my name, when everyone was asleep except us._

_Until you decided to leave._

_I was heartbroken for a very long time, as I might have already told._

There is a silence, like he is waiting for a response, that might not even come. Maybe that was something that it makes it sad. He tells about something he likes and no response is coming, he is there just on his own.

_I dwelled too much in the past, I am sorry. I haven't even told you why I sent this to you. I was so blinded and focussing on our relationship, or rather the end of it, that I didn't realise that the blame shouldn't be with me nor you._

_You drive faster than I did, you wanted a new challenge, and that was the only reason. It wasn't me, and you might have thought that all along, that the thoughts I mentioned in this voicemail message earlier are absolutely not true. But thag feeling of realisation is so calming, cutting me loose from my inner doubts and fears._

_And that is what I wanted to tell you._

_I wanted to tell you that I wish you all my luck and love at your new job.  
I have no hard feelings towards you, I never had, I still love you, you know. I stopped torturing myself from the inside, I have moved on from that. The overthinking is done._

_He hears a slight sob._

_I love you._

I love you too.


End file.
